Love china

Love china

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

In the Beginning ...

I haven't been very "strong" in faith for a very long time ... actually, in faithful time, it has been very short. But God has changed my life!

Those who are reading this and know me may know this story, but those who don't ... here it goes!!

I went to China in November 2015 ... and WOW, does God do some AMAZING work there. It really is crazy how OBVIOUS things are there when it comes to God and Evil ... There is some obvious deception by some and then there is complete genuine feelings by others. It is not like that here in the States - there are just so many distractions from what is important.

The last 3-4 days in China I started feeling very ill - dizzy and nauseous ... just couldn't shake it. We thought that maybe it was altitude sickness ... we were pretty high above sea level, but had been there for almost a week so that was probably not it. I did get checked by a doctor and he couldn't find anything wrong. This is when it was thought that maybe the Enemy was knocking on my door ... See, I had been questioning a lot of things around this time and I think he thought I was getting close to a breakthrough, so I needed to be pushed around a bit. A friend from Arkansas suggested that maybe I go see a Christian based therapist to help me figure things out - so I decided that I needed to give it a shot.

We came home from China and I still didn't feel well. I decided to stop taking my daily meds to control migraines ... it worked, the dizziness stopped. I waited another week and started the migraine prevention meds back again and didn't have any problems. I made my appointment with the Christian based therapist - nervously meeting her for the first time - best decision I have ever made in my life.

Our first therapeutic stop was to have a prayer meeting that would be held 2 weeks after our initial meeting - so I waited 2 weeks, trying to remain calm but really not knowing what was going to happen. For those of you who do not know me at all, I did not grow up in a church setting, I have  made multiple attempts to "find my faith" and figure out how God fit into my life, only to fall flat on my face and feel like I was further behind than I was before I started. SO, having said that, I truly had no idea how to pray, what it felt like to be in God's presence or how to know if I was doing His will or not. I had ALWAYS been envious of others who knew in their hearts that God was with them and that they could lean on Him ... if He was with them, was He with me? What was wrong with me that I wasn't able to understand?

I went in for the prayer meeting, chit chatted about what had been going on the last few weeks and then started an "echo" type prayer where just a few lines in I began to feel exactly like I had in China x8. Really?!! I couldn't believe I was feeling like that again. That is when I wholeheartedly knew, any issue that I had, God was bigger. I was led through prayer to ask God to come near me, to be near me, to love me. Love? What in the world is that?? Yes, we say "I love you ..." but I am not honestly sure I actually know the true meaning and feeling of that word. Instantly after asking Jesus if He was near me I received a burning sensation in my chest ... that was my "HELLO, crazy, I'm here!!! " signal, NO, I'm not near you, I'm IN you. I am part of you! Talk about breakthrough moment!

SO, that was 12/16/15 and today is 12/22. It completely rocked my world and my life has been nothing short of AMAZING. I had a couple of rough days, but then God hit me with a COMPLETE life change.

I have been considering adoption/foster care for a VERY long time. God has said, NOW is the time and China is the place - oh, and Special Needs is your calling, so let's add that into the mix! SO ... I am beginning the journey to adopt a special needs child from China ... Eyes wide open, Heart open even wider and God leading the way!

No comments:

Post a Comment